To do, or not to do...

I mentioned in my last post that we'd finalised the invitations - this is the video invitation and I have to say it ROCKS.

It's a secret. We haven't told anyone, which is unusual for me. Wait... we haven't told anyone but all of you. C's family were over the other night, and we'd just finished it. It was sitting in the DVD player, and I was thinking "I wish we could show them". Apparently C was too! But as we hadn't discussed it, neither of us suggested it, so after they went home we thought it was a shame... but now I'm excited. When they receive them in the mail, they'll see them for the first time.

C's little sister is getting married a few months after us, and wanted to get her invitations printed at the same place we are. We had to explain that she couldn't do that, and she didn't really understand why. Because we're not printing them, we explained. She didn't get that. How can you not print wedding invitations?

I also have some decisions to make...

A couple of years ago, I belonged to a "group" of friends. I pretty much manufactured the group myself by hosting a bundle of functions and soon enough we were a close knit group of eight. They thought I was bi, but when I came out as gay, I have several different reactions. I actually kissed one of the girls in the group. She was the supportive one! There was one single straight guy in the group and at one point I'd asked him out. He'd declined (thankfully) and we remained very close friends. Till I met C. You see I'd never really been a good girlfriend... even when I was married to my ex, I wasn't really devoted to him. Friends and family came first, and I think the single straight guy figured we could stay single forever and be "mates". He has pretty much decided to be single forever, and he knew I was dating, but I don't think he realised how hard I could fall. So when I did, he couldn't handle it. Started sending C some horrible messages, wouldn't pay me money he owed, said horrible, demeaning things about me, and it was so much drama that after six months and some counselling, I ended the friendship. I miss him, some parts of him, of course, but I haven't looked back. I'm happy, and I don't need that drama in my life.

There was a time that I thought he'd be my Best Man. Now he won't even be at the wedding.

The supportive girl and her partner will be there - C and I are friends with them both. In fact, that girl is easily one of my closest friends.

That leaves four others. Four others who were very supportive to my guy friend and less supportive to me when I ended the friendship. But time has passed, and from time to time I socialise with them. It's nothing like what it was before, but I've moved on. I was very hurt at the time, but now they mean less to me than they did then, so I'm no longer hurt my it. I'm not in a position anymore where they're so important to me.

At the moment I have invitations getting made for them. I'm just not sure if I'll send them. Part of me wants them there, and part of me doesn't. I know our ceremony and speeches will be emotional and intimate. I don't know how much of that I want to share with these people, but then I also think they need to realise how intense my feelings are, and how mutual C's are....

I think many of them are convinced I just can't find the right man. The fact that I asked our mutual friend out convinces them that I'm into guys. At the time I came out, I tried hard to convince them that I had come to the realisation that I was definitely gay- not that it matters anyway. That's what I realised after trying hard to assure them about my sexuality... it didn't matter in the end. I know that what I'm feeling now is something I haven't felt before, so it doesn't matter what people on the outside think. I'm thrilled that my parents and sisters support me, and see that this isn't some kind of phase I'm going through. I'm just not certain why my friends struggled with it so much. And therefore, I don't know whether to have them there or not on our special day.