Monday, March 30, 2009

Engagement party

It was awesome, so a full report is in order. In point form, I feel.

The day:

* We woke up and I kissed B2B goodbye and went to buy my wedding dress with my friend and her daughters. We had a lovely morning, catching up and gossiping about life.
* I returned home, iced the cakes, chatted to B2B about what needed to be done and then the two of us went to the shops to buy some last minute things, and eat lunch. We were both quite giggly and happy, which surprised me since it was just an engagement party, but we were both just having a lovely day. It felt like a really special day.
* In the afternoon, two of our friends dropped over - with a family member in hospital (emergency) they couldn't come to the party, but dropped food and a present off. We told them they needn't have worried, and were so honoured that they had. Particularly the food - despite the emergency, they'd prepared the food they'd promised
* That pretty much set the tone for it all - we were overwhelmed by the people who brought food like various breads, a vegan black forest cake (yes), chicken wings, salad, appetisers and so on
* The party started at 6.30, but the first guests arrived to assist at about 5.45. I was dressed and putting my makeup on, while B2B was still in her work clothes and finalising the yard. Much giggles about how I got dressed first and was pampering myself
* I wore a pair of very high heels and my feet are still killing me today
* We put one of those digital photo frames out with about 100 photos of the course of our relationship. It was B2B's idea, and I thought it was brilliant. A lot of people came and stood in front of it, and commented on various photos. I am considering doing something like this for the wedding.
* A couple of friends brought a "Happy Engagement" banner over. We put a "y" in it so it read "Happy EngaYgment". Genius idea of mine.
* We put the banner up. B2B went up the ladder as I handed her bluetak. She said "I think we'll need the sticky tape". I started to walk off, she asked where I was going, and I said "to get sticky tape". She laughed and told me it was in my hand. It was. She asked me if I'd been drinking. I hadn't. We were in stitches of laughter, and just in light, happy moods.

The guests have arrived:

* The party went well with appetisers, and then a meal (Spaghetti bolognaise and a vegetarian pasta) with breads, salad and so on
* One of my friends was on call, so had his ambulance out the front. Most people commented on that upon arrival which was funny.

Earth Hour:

* Earth Hour then occured, so we turned all the lights off and sat in candle light which was kind of cool. One of our (early) engagement gifts was ten candle lanterns, so we lit them, along with several other candles around the place.
* During Earth Hour, I made a speech. I didn't drink (much) before the speech as I wanted to be coherent. I was sober, but I don't think I was coherent. I kept going off on tangents. I think it was because there was so much to say and yet, I didn't know what to say.
* I talked about the cake, and how it was my attempt to prove to B2B that I should make our wedding cake, and yet..... we're now buying our wedding cake (but I was complimented on the cake decorating, even though that was the reason I felt we should buy the cake). I also said how I fell for B2B at an engagement party, and months later, decided I wanted to marry her at the beach... and here we were at OUR engagement party and we will be marrying her at that very beach.
* I thanked everyone for coming, told them I appreciated them bringing stuff (and by stuff, I meant food, but the laughter made me think they thought I meant presents, which I didn't. I was just kind of overwhelmed by everyone being so supportive).
* B2B didn't make a speech, due to shyness, but she got her cousin K to speak on her/our behalf. K made a toast, wishing us well and said she loves B2B and she loves me. She said she couldn't imagine two people better suited to one another, which surprised me as K loves one of B2B's exes (who was at the party). When we discussed that later (I'm not sure if I asked or if she explained) she said that came from the heart, and that we are perfectly suited and though she loves the ex, she thinks they were "friends" and the love that B2B & I share is different.
* Later on, K came up to me and told me she loves me equally to her love for B2B, and she's never had that before with a family member's partner. She said she's truly happy for us... and B2B and I had both been talking about having her as MC at the wedding, because she knows us both well, and likes us both. We felt that it would be the appropriate time to ask her and she was truly honoured.
* During Earth Hour, one of the guys got B2B's guitar and started a sing along in a corner

The mood:

* The mood was really relaxed and light, and even though I'd decided not to drink, I changed my mind after Earth Hour finished and brought out the Vodka. It needn't have mattered. Everyone felt I was drunk even though I wasn't.
* All in all, I enjoyed it. Plenty of groups of people mingling. The first part of the night, everyone was standing like a cocktail party, which was really cool. Often at parties people sit and segregate from others, but the first part everyone was really mingling, which made me very happy to see and participate in.
* So many people wished us well. I feel very lucky to have these wonderful people in my life. Some were old friends, some were new friends, and it was just wonderful to feel so happy and have everyone be happy for us. Many people told us so, and that was nice.


* I shared my Vodka around with several people and was surprised that two girls drank it straight. I shouldn't have been surprised, knowing who they are :-D
* I had conversations with B2B's family (including her Mum) about Dyke Drama (another couple, not us. In fact, I told them that I had not yet been privy to this Dyke Drama, but I'd observed enough of it to comment, and would let them know if I was ever part of it).
* Two of B2B's cousins jostled around the pool about to push one another in. B2B decided to take over, and pushed them both in, wetting the phone from the pocket of one of them.

The end:

* I felt that I mingled heaps, got to chat to everyone, and really loved everyone who was there. It really was a light mood.
* As people started leaving, we were left in one smaller group with various interesting conversations.
* We handed a guest book around (well, pieces of paper) and read the messages before bed, and were chuffed by all the well wishes. I spent the next afternoon scrapbooking photos and guest book entries
* I think it was about 3am before bed, after much chatting, dancing, present opening, photograph taking and so on

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Cutting the cake

We had our engagement party on Saturday night, but I haven't the time to post about that right now. I plan to over the next day or two. One of the highlights of my night, however, was cutting our engagement cake.

Maybe with this memory in mind, I have spoken to the baker about our wedding cake today. We're planning a tier of cupcakes, with a cake on top, and a cake topper. We only need to order it a few weeks prior to the event, apparently, however we plan to go to the wedding destination in a couple of months, so will probably try to meet with the baker - we don't know how much it costs at the moment, and it would be good to have an idea of budget.

I picked up my dress on Saturday, as well. So almost everything in planned now, with just my makeup to go, invitations, and bonboniere. But most importantly is Bride-to-be's outfit. She'll be wearing pants - in white or ivory - along with some kind of waistcoat and shirt.

Our bonbonierie/favours are the next item to be planned I think as we're still trying to finalise our budget.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


I made red velvet cakes for our engagement party. I love red velvet, and it's not common here in Australia, so I figured it would be a bit of a surprise for everyone. I hope they're okay. I doubled the cake mix, and ended up making three cakes and ten cupcakes. I was hoping to make two cakes, so three was a bit of a surprise, but they will be eaten, I know!

Full report after the party tomorrow night!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Thinly veiled... oh so fascinating.

My older sister was in her early 20s when she married, and was determined to not be a "traditional" bride. Oh, she still wore white, but it had plenty of black on the dress. She still had a bouquet and bridesmaids, but she selected alternative music, did away with some traditions and didn't wear a veil.

At the time, I was in my very early 20s and to me, brides wore veils. I was alarmed when my sister said she wasn't wearing a veil. How would you know she was a bride? She assured me you'd be able to tell, and she was right. There's something about a white dress with a full skirt...

Nevertheless... When I married about five years later, there was never any question - I was wearing a veil. I picked a long one with a train for the ceremony and wore a finger tip one of the reception. I wanted to wear that veil all night and the veil was my feature. When my hairdresser suggested (on the morning of the wedding) that we lower the veil to under my up do, I was adament - I wanted the veil to be a big feature, and the only way this would occur was if it sat on TOP of my hair.

I loved that veil, and while I risk sounding a little princessy, it was really the only thing I had strong opinions on when I got married.

This time around, it's my second wedding, a beach wedding, a non-legal wedding. A wedding to another woman. Apparently that's more casual. Of course, I'm more in love, more excited, and more inclined to think "this is forever". These photos are going to be on our walls forever, and our (potential future) children are going to look at our photos and say "there's Mum and Mum on their wedding day" (agggh, what are the kids going to call us?! That's a whole other issue).

Bride-to-be is wearing pants. Non-girly, butchy, there was never any question..... she would not be wearing a dress. A veil is a laughable idea for her. So I asked her the question - "Do you imagine me in a veil?" She had strong views on the colour of my dress (white, please), so I wondered if her image of me as her bride included a veil. Apparently not. I was kind of disappointed.

If I turn up, in December, in a veil, I might look over the top. Beach wedding, second wedding. "Oh look, she's in a veil," people might whisper. But if Bride-to-be had strong views on the matter, then it's not because I'm a princess, it's because I want Bride-to-be to have the image of her bride on her day. Anyway, it's a moot point.

I'm wearing a relatively simple white dress, and no veil. I feel beautiful in the dress, but do I look bridey enough? Does it matter?

"What do you think of fascinators?" I asked Bride-to-be, after a little bit of online searching.
"What are they?" She had no idea (read: non-girly)
I explained - the things women wear on the sides of their head, sometimes with feathers, mini veils and so on. She shrugged, she doesn't mind. I haven't decided yet.

Monday, March 23, 2009

We really are just two big dorks....

Bride-to-be and I are both big readers, and enjoy similar books - crime, romance, chick-lit - which is good news, because it means we can swap. Every night we go to bed and read before lights out, and I must confess, it's my favourite time of the day. Last year, I read a book and passed it on to her. I soon discovered it was a trilogy of books, so I bought the second, and read it, passing it on to her when I finished. The third book, however, wasn't available.

A couple of weeks ago, we got the delivery from Amazon - we had the third book! Now the issue was who got to read it first. We were both up to book three. Lying in bed one night, Bride-to-be turned to me and said "you could always read it to me."

I laughed and told her that was the dorkiest thing I'd ever heard of.
Because it is, isn't it?

But then I told her how my older sister and I used to do that. We used to read alternate chapters out loud and it was kind of cool. So I told her I'd read a chapter out loud... just one chapter... and then we'd decide who was most desperate to finish the book, and they could be the next to read it.

You know where this is going, right? Sure you do!
I've nearly finished reading the book out loud! We were both enjoying it that much.

In addition to our individual reading each night, I have been reading one chapter of our book out loud each night . A couple of chapters each day on the weekend - and we both love it. We're enjoying the book . I'm one of those people that looks at the finish line, where Bride-to-be's someone who enjoys the journey. So I keep saying things like "two more days and we're done!" while she's saying things like "what are we going to read next?"

The fact that I look toward the finish line doesn't mean I don't want to keep reading books together. I do - it's just that I am goal orientated. I have various tasks that I need to complete, and I make a plan for completing them. Bride-to-be on the other hand just relaxes and enjoys her tasks. It's why I'm such a fast eater (I have to finish eating so I can move on to the next task) and why B2B seldom gets bored. It's why I can get frustrated when something is taking me too long to complete, but she simply smiles and says "what's the worry?" We balance one another out in that respect.

We have a bookshelf of unread books, so I always look forward to finishing the book I'm reading so I can move on to the next. (I said this once to a friend about a theatre show we'd been watching... I enjoyed it, but couldn't wait for it to end... he thinks I'm odd).

Anyway, I digress. We're dorky and we know it... but we love it. It's our escape from the day, and it's something we're both enjoying - I suppose it's not that different from watching a DVD together. I confessed to a couple of friends on the weekend, thinking they'd say how pathetic we are, and they said "that's a sweet idea.... we should do that" and looked lovingly into one another's eyes. Maybe we're not so dorky after all (or maybe we just have dorky friends!).

'Fess up - what do you and your partner do that's dorky?

LAST CHANCE TO VOTE! I tried my hand at writing some erotica - not the first time, mind you, but the first time I'm in a competition.

I'm Aussie Femme - have a look and vote for your fave. If it's me, that's even better!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

What does a bride do with her hands?!

Recently I've been in a bit of a wedding planning mode. Because sister-in-law-to-be-but-not-legally came over the other night to talk about some of her wedding plans, and that got me thinking.

And I never really understood the whole bridal bouquet thing, and I really didn't want to carry one the first time I got married, but was convinced that you need to do something with your hands... so I did it, and most of my photos have me doing crazy stuff with the bouquet like holding it upside down (deliberately) and being all serious and bridal with it (deliberately).

And so I went googling about what a bride could do with her hands (don't google image THAT!) and discovered there are LOADS of alternatives. Feathers. Lanterns (how lovely!). Lots of options - my favourite is the idea of an Asian fan. But my mother-in-law-to-be-but-not-legally is a florist, so it seems silly (and perhaps an insult) to not have flowers. I think I might get a fan in China anyway as an option for some photos.

And Bride-to-be isn't holding a bouquet. No one seems concerned about what SHE'S going to do with HER hands (Shut up!)

In fact, no one seems concerned about a Groom's hands in a traditional wedding, either. Why is the bouquet so important, then? And I also think that bridesmaid bouquets are unnecessary, but people say "oh, no, what will they do with their hands?" but again - Groomsmen! What are they doing? Are men so controlled with their hands, compared to women, that it's only important that we put something in the hands of the females?

I tried my hand at writing some erotica - not the first time, mind you, but the first time I'm in a competition.

I'm Aussie Femme - have a look and vote for your fave. If it's me, that's even better!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Vote for me?

I tried my hand at writing some erotica - not the first time, mind you, but the first time I'm in a competition.

I'm Aussie Femme - have a look and vote for your fave. If it's me, that's even better!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I have ordered the dress

I only wish I had a photo of it... in a couple of weeks, I will.

This is a medium-budget wedding. I've been married before (to the wrong gender) and went all out. My parents paid, it was a fabulous day, and when I forget about who I married, it was a special day which meant a lot to me in terms of being with friends and family. However, I never felt so completely excited about my wedding, like I have this time. I'm just thrilled to be marrying the woman of my dreams. The woman I've lived with for the past few months, and feel very excited to go home to each night. I am so much in love - so much so that I think about our vows on a regular basis, and what I hope to say to her on the big day.

Anyway..... despite all of this, I wanted the perfect dress at a low budget price. How do I do that?

I considered buying a bridesmaid dress in white. I plan to post about that another day, as I still think that's a viable option for a lot of gals. But in the end, I went along to a bridal shop with my sister-in-law-to-be-but-not-legally (who is getting married), bride to be, and a couple of friends. I tried on a dress, and it was perfect. And... $400. That's Australian money, so what... about $300 US? SO good, so within the budget, and I'm SO happy.

I love the dress. It's flattering, stylish, elegant.

What's the issue? You knew there was an issue, right? There's only one - it's a discontinued style... AND it's too small. Now, I'm bigger than I've ever been right now (well, minus the 3 kg I've lost this year... about 6lb) but want to lose about 15kg (30lb) over the next 9 months. That's do-able, and I'm getting healthy. Expect posts about it.

I just emailed the bridal shop to order the gown. More motivation than ever now to lose the weight!

Shoes, glorious shoes.

The bridesmaid dresses were so easy to buy - I have posted about that, haven't I? If I haven't, I will have to make that my next post... will go check that out later.

Then it became an issue of shoes. My favourite strappy shoes are still available, so I took a photo of them on my camera phone, and sent it to my three bridesmaids. They loved them, so they're buying shoes which I own, which I think is kinda cool! Plus there's a buy one, get one free offer at the moment, so my sister managed to get a great bargain on two of the pairs.

Bride-to-be's three bridesmaids are wearing the same dress as my girls. We're not sure whether they're wearing the same shoes as my girls... they're not fans of heels, so may end up in flat sandals of some kind. We don't care.

We ordered Bride-to-be's ring the other day. It's stunning. A gent's ring, with five small diamonds in it, in white and yellow gold. I just love it. Mine is a stunning diamond setting in white gold, very girly, which is typical of the two of us!

Everything is happening easily and effortlessly at the moment.... and soon, there might even be a post about my dress!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I just came out... again.

Funny thing about coming out is that it's never ending. And being gay is something that I'm proud of. I didn't come out until the last couple of years, and so I'm still letting people know what's changed in my life. There are a few old friends that mean a lot to me, in the impact they had on my life, but I'm not in regular touch with. One of my friends was a guy I used to hang out with all the time. He was close friends with my first serious boyfriend (and actually, still is). I replied to his email and added my news, and as I wrote it, I really realised how much my life has changed since we used to hang out eating Thai food every Sunday night. Times were fun and carefree back then, but I'm much happier now I'm a Lesbian Bride!

This is what I wrote to him:

"In other news, since I saw you last, I've come out :-) Over the years I've been torn about this, and stopped dating for a while to do a lot of self discovery and realised I'm actually gay.

It makes my life make so much more sense, and I needed to tell you my news, as it's such big news. It explains why I could never be the person both Boyfriend1 and Boyfriend2 wanted in their partner. On top of all that, I never found men attractive (other than "he's a nice looking guy") which should have been a clue, but I figured if I was gay I would just *know*. I didn't. I'm now in a fantastic relationship with a wonderful woman, and we're planning a wedding... and I've realised what romantic love feels like (vs. love for someone who feels more like a brother). I'm so overwhelmed with happiness and love that my life has completely changed for the better. I can't believe it took me 32 years to get here! Sorry if that sounds wanky :-)"

My new relationship hasn't caused any rifts in my family, but it has in some of my friendship circles. I'm wary of that, because I don't think one should lose friends due to a relationship... but then I think about how happy I am. I've had a history of not trusting my instincts, and not being completely honest with myself, but for the first time, I am honest with myself and I am happy. I'm in love with a woman who is patient, kind, treats me well and is lots of fun to be around. My favourite part of the day is now going home to her.

I guess I'll spend the rest of my life coming out, but at least I'm happy.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

What's in a name?

I haven't blogged in a while... and that's to do with the title of this blog. Whilst I have plenty of lesbian issues to blog about, and plenty of bridal issues to blog about, I haven't had many lesbian bride issues to blog about. But now I've decided that doesn't matter at all, and I plan to blog more frequently.

Yesterday I decided I would research getting legally married. In my country, we can't get legally wed, but given I'm marrying an English lass, we can use her citizenship to marry legally under the English jurisdiction. Does it matter? That's a question I've been asked a few times. The short answer is: well no. In my country the legal side of things will mean nothing.

But it's people asking those sorts of questions that get me wanting the legal recognition (not mentioning any of the legal rights a marriage gives you). No one asks a man and a woman why they want a legal ceremony and not just a civil partnership.

I looked up definitions of the words wedding and marriage to see if we could classify our commitment ceremony as a wedding, or our union as a marriage. My mother keeps warning me not to use those terms, and instead focus on the word commitment. It's not that she's not supportive... she's just worried about what people will think.

Well, I didn't have a Dictionary handy, so I looked it up online, and yeah, you've basically gotta be a man and a woman for it to be a "wedding", but I don't care. I was legally wed to a man I should never have been married to, and now I'm completely in love with a woman I believe will be my life partner. The term wedding is much more applicable now days, and my marriage will be more real than my "legal" marriage was.