My older sister was in her early 20s when she married, and was determined to not be a "traditional" bride. Oh, she still wore white, but it had plenty of black on the dress. She still had a bouquet and bridesmaids, but she selected alternative music, did away with some traditions and didn't wear a veil.
At the time, I was in my very early 20s and to me, brides wore veils. I was alarmed when my sister said she wasn't wearing a veil. How would you know she was a bride? She assured me you'd be able to tell, and she was right. There's something about a white dress with a full skirt...
Nevertheless... When I married about five years later, there was never any question - I was wearing a veil. I picked a long one with a train for the ceremony and wore a finger tip one of the reception. I wanted to wear that veil all night and the veil was my feature. When my hairdresser suggested (on the morning of the wedding) that we lower the veil to under my up do, I was adament - I wanted the veil to be a big feature, and the only way this would occur was if it sat on TOP of my hair.
I loved that veil, and while I risk sounding a little princessy, it was really the only thing I had strong opinions on when I got married.
This time around, it's my second wedding, a beach wedding, a non-legal wedding. A wedding to another woman. Apparently that's more casual. Of course, I'm more in love, more excited, and more inclined to think "this is forever". These photos are going to be on our walls forever, and our (potential future) children are going to look at our photos and say "there's Mum and Mum on their wedding day" (agggh, what are the kids going to call us?! That's a whole other issue).
Bride-to-be is wearing pants. Non-girly, butchy, there was never any question..... she would not be wearing a dress. A veil is a laughable idea for her. So I asked her the question - "Do you imagine me in a veil?" She had strong views on the colour of my dress (white, please), so I wondered if her image of me as her bride included a veil. Apparently not. I was kind of disappointed.
If I turn up, in December, in a veil, I might look over the top. Beach wedding, second wedding. "Oh look, she's in a veil," people might whisper. But if Bride-to-be had strong views on the matter, then it's not because I'm a princess, it's because I want Bride-to-be to have the image of her bride on her day. Anyway, it's a moot point.
I'm wearing a relatively simple white dress, and no veil. I feel beautiful in the dress, but do I look bridey enough? Does it matter?
"What do you think of fascinators?" I asked Bride-to-be, after a little bit of online searching.
"What are they?" She had no idea (read: non-girly)
I explained - the things women wear on the sides of their head, sometimes with feathers, mini veils and so on. She shrugged, she doesn't mind. I haven't decided yet.