Sunday, April 26, 2009

It's not black or white.

Reading some of the lesbian wedding blogs I like to read, I found it funny when I logged in and read Deseray's post about Lauren planning her suit . It was funny because I was logging in to post a rather similar story.

B2B and I have been discussing what she's going to wear at our upcoming commitment ceremony for a little while. With a beach ceremony, she'd rather not wear a suit. Of course, she wouldn't be wearing a dress or skirt - she never does, and it wouldn't make sense for her to run about in a dress. Everyone who knew her would think it wasn't her. So pants and a shirt?

She knew she wanted to wear white or ivory and not black. At first I was a bit surprised that she wasn't opting for black, but now it makes sense. It's her wedding day and she's a bride. She won't be in a dress, of course, but she's still a bride. Black tends to be for grooms.

I realised early on I felt slightly uncomfortable about MY clothing for the day, and it's only now I can articulate why. If she's in pants and a shirt, and I had a huge full skirt, I'd feel kind of silly. The groom wearing a black suit is automatically in contrast to the bride - we're MEANT to focus on the bride vs. the groom, but when there's two brides... well I kind of feel that a big formal dress would be stealing the limelight from B2B and I don't want that.

I managed to find the most perfect dress for me. It's bridal and it's me, but it's not over the top formal, but this post isn't about my dress, it's about B2B's outfit.

We ducked into the shops on Saturday. She went off to the loo, and I browsed the clothing racks for sale items, hoping to spot a bargain to add to my wardrobe - ever the shopaholic! I didn't find anything for me, but I found several pairs of white pants on the reduced rack. I messaged B2B and told her where to meet me. She doesn't normally shop in the women's section, but I knew she didn't want oversized mens wear for our big day. As she arrived, I thrust four pairs of pants into her hands. She excitedly went to try them on, and one of them was exactly what we wanted, though a little too see-through.

I'm off to China shortly, and there are numerous tailors there. They work best when you give them an item of clothing to copy, so we bought the pants knowing she could wear them as is, OR we could get them made. I knew that she liked Mandarin collars on shirts, so took her past several shirts and jackets. She tried a few on, but none of them felt right - at least, not in the way the pants did.

We went home, and I showed her three of my shirts with Mandarin collars. She tried one on, and fell in love with the shape. So I'll take that with me to China, hoping to get something made. My biggest fear with this one is that it's got little holes and embroidery on it (I know I'll spell this wrong... broidere ainglese). I don't know if the tailors can do it, but she likes it. Then we discussed my fear of being more formal compared to her in a shirt and top, and she is also keen to wear a waistcoat/vest. Again, we rummaged through my wardrobe and found one that fit her well and made her feel comfortable.

Wow. I think we actually have the base of a very nice outfit. My dress is ivory, so we're going to try to get hers made in a slightly different ivory, so it doesn't look too much. Pants, a vest and a lovely shirt. All feminine, but not over the top girly. She'll stand out from the guests because she'll be in ivory and because she'll be glowing like any bride on their big day.

I'm so pleased.


  1. sounds great...i have some friends who got married a week after we did and one wore a mandarin collar-type tunic with matching pants in ivory and the other had a dress. although i had to miss the wedding, their photos looked gorgeous. the mandarin collar-tunic (not sure how else to explain it) looked great on my friend who would *never* wear a dress...

    the tunic looked very chic with her bride's dress. seems like a great outfit!! good luck!!

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  3. you may want to see the collections at and pick what you want for this special occasion.